Fag School #1

I picked up a copy (the first copy!) of Fag School, a zine out of Oakland, at Modern Times today. I'd actually noticed it at Comic Relief in Berkeley about 2 months ago, but didn't get a copy because I wasn't feeling spendy. I then hankered after it for 2 months, looking for it in each bookstore I visited, until I found it again at Modern Times.

The zine has a deliberately (gratuitously?) low-fi aesthetic. Photocopied and stapled, with typewritten passages cut out and stuck over photographs. My friend Molly and I went through a low-fi period as well in undergrad, when we were creating posters out of photocopied newspaper overlaid with sharpie writing, so I was totally into it.

Anyway, one of the awesome features of Fag School (besides the great porn! :)) is the "Cruising Reviews" section, which is an inspired bit of sexy sleaziness. I give you a sample here:

Two hours into my friends wedding party, I found myself in the bathroom with a older Cuban guy, SCORE! "I only like you cause your young and you got big lips." This was the HOTTEST thing an old dude i was blowing had said to me, so i got REALLY hot and started going double-time on his dang (he-he). He told me I had a "big lead for a little gun", jizzed all over my glasses and hair and then left my drunk ass to wander the party putting on my "oh, that wasnt ME getting slammed in the bathroom" face (everyone saw right through me). And then i walked home in the rain. It was by far the hottest sex ever and I would recommend it to a friend.

Let's do a close reading of why this is so awesome, kay?

Two hours into my friends wedding party, I found myself in the bathroom with a older Cuban guy, SCORE!
He's having casual sex at a wedding party. That is delicious. A big fuck you to this straight marriage game without having to say so explicitly. Also, a reminder that queers get horny at weddings too. The fact that it's an older Cuban guy brings up issues of immigration, ethnicity and race.

"I only like you cause your young and you got big lips." This was the HOTTEST thing an old dude i was blowing had said to me, so i got REALLY hot and started going double-time on his dang (he-he).
The (he-he) is genius. Cute and nasty. Also, you HAVE to love the modifying phrase "an old dude i was blowing" because so many hot things have been said to the writer that he needs to add on all these qualifiers to make sure he gets the story right for the zine. One can almost imagine an annoyed former hookup saying, "I thought that what I said to you on the BART was hotter", to which the appropriate response would be "yeah, but that was the hottest thing a young dude i was giving a hand-job has said to me. This time was different. Old dude, blowjob." And plus, "big lips" is another thing that brings up race. I believe the writer is black. It's hot because the hookup did NOT say "I like you cause you're black." That would NOT be cool.

He told me I had a "big lead for a little gun", jizzed all over my glasses and hair and then left my drunk ass to wander the party putting on my "oh, that wasnt ME getting slammed in the bathroom" face (everyone saw right through me).
A complex sentence worthy of a French novelist who shall remain unnamed. In this one line we find out that:
a) The sex was loud
b) Something about the writer's "big lead"? I don't know much about guns. Anyone want to tell me what this is about?
c) The writer was drunk
d) The writer wears glasses
e) The writer apparently gets slammed in the bathroom often enough to have a face for denying it
f) The writer's friends can see through that face, because he's used it so often

And then i walked home in the rain.
Okay, I admit I don't know why this line is there and what it contributes to the piece.

It was by far the hottest sex ever and I would recommend it to a friend.
This is just the whipped cream on the sexy cake. It made me laugh out loud. Also, it's saying something rather deep about the unreproduceable nature of experience (and thus implicitly pointing out the limits of the institution of reviews generally) and/or the non-scarcity of sexual experience (I had great sex, you too can have the exact same kind of great sex). Also, it assumes an acceptable public discussion of explicit sexual pleasure and lets us know that the writer really is not ashamed of having sex in bathrooms at wedding parties.

I can't wait for Fag School #2.